frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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