I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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