You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
