I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
