I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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