you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
