Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
