chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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