oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
