dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
