My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
