If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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