she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
