thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
