I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
