Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
