Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My feet surprised me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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