I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
