his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
