Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh god it's open bar.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
