i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
