I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
