I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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