That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
