This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
