you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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