from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize