Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
