she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
