Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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