u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
