Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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