i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
