So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
