I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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