Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
