if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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