sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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