Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
