Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
