it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
