He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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