Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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