I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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