It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
