I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
