my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we're so committed to being not committed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
