Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
