OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
