Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i drank out of a bidet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
