The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
