fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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