I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
