went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
