youre lurking in front of me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
