lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
