My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
