i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize