After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your cock deserves a montage
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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