I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
