my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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