it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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