Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
