glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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