I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
