her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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