Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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