I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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