Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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