Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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