i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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