girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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